April 2014

So, last week I received the result of Pelatnas II, and as I had expected, I didn't pass to Pelatnas III. I understood that every competition has its winners and losers. I understood I wasn't good enough to pass. I understood that I might not study well enough and I had lack of experiences to help boosting my rank. I was sad, I admit. I imagined that I might not meet my friends there anymore, and I thought how 'fun' it would be to skip school and learn things that I really like there. But still I accepted the fact, the one thing that I can't stand about this is the hope. The hope from my parents, my families, my teachers, and my friends. That look when they said "yah..." when I told them I didn't pass felt hurt. I'm literally crying that day whenever I thought about telling the result to my teachers. "Should I say sorry? Will I be able to hold my tears when I tell them?" Those things came to my mind. Maybe I'm afraid, maybe I'm ashamed of myself. But if I get to choose one thing I wouldn't want to do in the world, it would be to disappoint people and destroy their hopes.

But then I realize I shouldn't blame myself all the time. I shouldn't regret this. I should 'move on' and forgive myself. I should learn from this failure. I ought to find my weaknesses and fix them, so I won't repeat them again. I need to study harder and pray better, because when you have done your best, you wouldn't be able to regret anything. I know this year the competition will be much tougher, but I believe with my work and Allah's will I would be able to do that. Nothing's impossible, right? My parents said it's like how Messi, one of the best soccer player in the world, coudn't score a goal in a penalty kick. Or like how Chelsea, which was in the top of clasement in Premier League, could be beaten by Crystal Palace from the low level of clasement. I need to believe that I will be able to make my parents, teachers, and friends proud of me. I will make them happy. My parents said I need to focus on my goal. I need to learn to say 'no' for 'unimportant' things. But I know the truth more, I just need to stop delaying my duties and spending my time wiser and better.

There are some songs I listened that could help me stand up again after I'm feeling down and made me feel much better. It also helped boosting our spirit, and here they are:

1. Embers - Owl City

2. Shooting Star - Owl City

3. Tidal Wave - Owl City

4. The Climb - Miley Cyrus

And I also recommend Radioactive by Imagine Dragons. It really helped boosting my mood.

Afterall, because I don't want to regret anything, I just want to say that I'm grateful. I'm grateful because I could join Pelatnas II and meet such great people, and I'm really grateful to have them as my friend and even as my 'third family'. I'm so lucky because not everyone could experience the same thing. I'm happy that I was there. So, I will share some photos taken there