Be Brave

Hope

So, last week I received the result of Pelatnas II, and as I had expected, I didn't pass to Pelatnas III. I understood that every competition has its winners and losers. I understood I wasn't good enough to pass. I understood that I might not study well enough and I had lack of experiences to help boosting my rank. I was sad, I admit. I imagined that I might not meet my friends there anymore, and I thought how 'fun' it would be to skip school and learn things that I really like there. But still I accepted the fact, the one thing that I can't stand about this is the hope. The hope from my parents, my families, my teachers, and my friends. That look when they said "yah..." when I told them I didn't pass felt hurt. I'm literally crying that day whenever I thought about telling the result to my teachers. "Should I say sorry? Will I be able to hold my tears when I tell them?" Those things came to my mind. Maybe I'm afraid, maybe I'm ashamed of myself. But if I get to choose one thing I wouldn't want to do in the world, it would be to disappoint people and destroy their hopes.

But then I realize I shouldn't blame myself all the time. I shouldn't regret this. I should 'move on' and forgive myself. I should learn from this failure. I ought to find my weaknesses and fix them, so I won't repeat them again. I need to study harder and pray better, because when you have done your best, you wouldn't be able to regret anything. I know this year the competition will be much tougher, but I believe with my work and Allah's will I would be able to do that. Nothing's impossible, right? My parents said it's like how Messi, one of the best soccer player in the world, coudn't score a goal in a penalty kick. Or like how Chelsea, which was in the top of clasement in Premier League, could be beaten by Crystal Palace from the low level of clasement. I need to believe that I will be able to make my parents, teachers, and friends proud of me. I will make them happy. My parents said I need to focus on my goal. I need to learn to say 'no' for 'unimportant' things. But I know the truth more, I just need to stop delaying my duties and spending my time wiser and better.

There are some songs I listened that could help me stand up again after I'm feeling down and made me feel much better. It also helped boosting our spirit, and here they are:

1. Embers - Owl City

2. Shooting Star - Owl City

3. Tidal Wave - Owl City

4. The Climb - Miley Cyrus

And I also recommend Radioactive by Imagine Dragons. It really helped boosting my mood.

Afterall, because I don't want to regret anything, I just want to say that I'm grateful. I'm grateful because I could join Pelatnas II and meet such great people, and I'm really grateful to have them as my friend and even as my 'third family'. I'm so lucky because not everyone could experience the same thing. I'm happy that I was there. So, I will share some photos taken there

And here are some photos I took by myself during our recreation time in Tangkuban Perahu

And here is our frog...

Smile. Good things only start to happen after a failure when you have forgiven yourself. :)

Leav

I don't know why but I get a bit interested in poetry nowadays. And this book below is the one I really really want to have. I knew this book from tumblr. I've read some of the poems and I thought " Hey, they're beautiful!" It's not available in all bookstores in Indonesia, and I don't want to buy the kindle or e-book,  I just haven't got the time to go to the right bookstore. I guess, owning this book is one of my wishlist in 2014.

This is one of the poem, titled " Just Friends"

I know that I don't own you,
and perhaps I never will,
to my anger when you're with her,
I have no right to feel.

I know that you don't own me
and I shouldn't ask for more;
I shouldn't feel so let down,
all the times when you don't call.

What I feel - I shouldn't show you,
so when you're around I won't;
I know I've no right to feel it -
but it doesn't mean I don't.

And the one above, titled "Broken Hearts" is my favorite.

I know you've lost someone and it hurts. You may have lost them suddenly, unexpectedly. Or perhaps you began losing pieces of them, until one day, there was nothing left. You may have known them all your life or you may have barely known them at all. Either way, it is irrelevant - you cannot control the depth of a wound another soul inflicts upon you.

Which is way I am not here to tell you tomorrow is another day. That sun will go on shining. Or there are plenty of fish in the sea. What I will tell you is this; it's okay to be hurting as much as you are. What you are feeling is not only completely valid but necessary - because it makes you so much more human. And though I can't promise it will get better anytime soon, I can tell you that it will - eventually. For now, all you can do is take your time. Take all the time you need.

10 Ways to be Happy

*I've been so busy this past week. I need to finish my tasks from OSIS and study for pelatnas. It was tiring. Really tiring. So I decided to open tumblr today to refresh myself and found this post which I think I need to share. Happy reading!

Who Am I...

*Found this (again) on tumblr. I've always loved good poems. I feel like there is something magical inside them. And this one that I found is beautiful yet heartbreaking. My favorite. This poem is written by "L.L." by the way, you can read more poems in lyvixo.co

An old painted wall
Covered in multicolor layers
The top coat outrageous and fun
The last one dull and broken, tattered and lost
Peel back each layer
One by one

An ugly doll
Painted in dirt and grime
Standing next to the flawless others
The unwanted one left behind
Leaving it in the background
Nothing to them in comparison

A butterfly without wings
Still beautiful,
Still trying,
But unfinished
A part of it missing
Never to be complete

A faceless person
Always chasing a moving train
So close to the goal
But yet so far away
Forever trying to keep up
But never reaching on

A shadow of someone better
Never being the top
Always over done
Seeking to overcome one's obstacles,
But never surpassing them
Always a shadow of another

A loner in a crowded room
Bodies surrounding
Laughter consuming
Chatter and happiness and excitement in the air
All around me
But I've never felt so alone

L.L.

A (Real) Holiday

Holiday. What will come to your mind when you hear that word? Is it gathering with your family and friends? Going to some mall and doing shopping, travelling, or playing some sports? Or is it just laying around lazily in your houses, being happy because you could sleep and wake up late and surfering the internet all day? Well, if you think that holiday is. To me, it is completely the opposite.

I'm not saying that I don't go anywhere at all and stay at my dorm. I'm not saying that I don't have fun. It's just... whole this time in my life, at least since I was a fifth grader, my holiday has never been that kind of holiday. Because of this olympiad things, I need to spend my holiday to study because I won't have time to study it at school. And now, as I become a high-schooler, I also spend my time in holiday for finishing organization tasks.

Once again, I never say I don't like it. In fact, I really do. It's good to feel... productive. It's good to me to know that I don't waste even a second in a day (Playing some game for awhile is not wasting time, ok!). Of course I go somewhere sometimes. Whether it is just somewhere near to buy some snacks, or eating-out, or even go visiting my families. But I rarely have a holiday-plan like... for a week or so. Even, I only go somewhere if I think I already surpass my target for the day. But Islam has taught us to spend our time wisely and to not do something useless, right?

I know it seems too ambitious (Maybe that's why I get slytherin in pottermore) and you would think it's really boring. I need to admit that I feel bored sometimes. But my mother always says that we need to make sacrifices. For everything. Moreover for our dreams. And I stick up to that. I believe all sacrifices that I have made will turn out into a good thing someday, And it actually isn't really that bad. I mean, when you do something you love to do (even if other people think it is not something to be loved to do) you wouldn't feel that bad. Actually, I will be more bored and feel worse if I just laying on my bed and twittering all day.

And the most important thing is, I learn to manage my time even when I was given freedom not to manage it. I learn to hold myself from doing the unproductive things, even if it is the one I really want to do at that moment. I learn to put my priority of one thing over another.

Believe it or not... holiday is the best time to learn things. So many things...

God Listens

Sometimes, we want something so badly. We pray for that fluently. We give 'deadlines' to God for giving us that thing. When we don't get what we want at the 'deadline' we thought our prayer is not listened and will never be listened. But tonight, I realize it's completely wrong. God listens. He always listens. God always gives the best thing for us in the best time, at the best place, on the best way. We just need to wait and believe. Because... God loves us.