Escape to Europe

Kinda stressed out today. Get bored while reading Alberts eventhough I know I need to finish it ASAP.

Amsterdam Mirror Morning

So I open my tumblr and see pictures from Europe (the first picture that I saw and made me think about writing this shown above). Then I think to myself, what if I just go somewhere in Europe? Introduce myself in a new nick name, showing the real me to the acquaintances. I guess I could get myself some friends, or even one best friend. I could meet a stranger boy who I could talk about every little silly things with, and find a new hello.

(looks like) A Lovely Neighbourhood in France

I will walk to school and say hello to the old grandma, my new neighbour. I could say hi to my new friends and wish them a good morning. I could watch some football matches on Saturday, and try a new cafe which people say serves a nice coffee on Sunday. I could go travelling on holidays. Visiting Paris, Vienna, Milan, London, Amsterdam. I might even go horse-riding in Ireland!

Ireland

I could buy myself new clothes and decorations for my room in a vintage shop, then find a good novel in an old book shop. I will buy flowers from a beautiful nice lady randomly. Sometimes I give it to the special ones, the other days I will just buy it for myself.

a Cafe in Greece

I will plant some roses in my front yard, and ask the grandpa next door to build me a swing in my back yard. I will work part-time in a restaurant, and do some tutoring for some elementary students (but definitely there will be no babysitting!).

I'm going to play in the snow at winter, watch the leaves turn red at fall, and smell the flower scents at spring. I will go to some summer concerts and festivals (maybe I could see Coldplay :D), watch some plays at theatres or go to some shooting place and get a signature from my favorite British actor (hint: he has very beautiful blue eyes). I will eat fish n chips in Manchester while waiting to see Manchester City play, I will eat macaroon beside the Seine, I will eat some pasta near Pisa.

I will sign up for a university in UK for my favourite course. I will meet scientists that I adore, join some researches until they call me a scientist as well. I will get some work in an important research department and meet scientists all around the world.

Or maybe... I could apply for a journalistic school then join an internship at Vogue and work at NatGeo. The last option, I could enter School of Sport Science in Liverpool and work at a women football club (not as a player of course, or maybe I could learn to be one?) Or just write novels or series which are so good that they are filmed.

Maybe I could go to London Fashion Week and see brilliant designs by high-class designers or even Haute-Couture shows in Paris (eventhough I know surely I couldn't wear that kind of clothes. Or maybe I can with some modifications?). I would be able to talk to J.K. Rowling and ask her why Neville doesn't marry Luna.

God, I just want to escape my usual everyday life. Can I?

To Indonesian Team for IBO 2014 and those who left behind...

You know, sometimes we want to be the best, we want to be the one and only, we want people to look at us and say "She is THE girl" But I guess we can't always get what we want. At the end, we need to learn from our mistakes and congratulate others who get the chance. We just need to believe that one day, our time will come. Sometimes, we get sad and think that our life is miserable. We look at people and think how their lifes are better than us. But the fact is, we don't know their story. And we need to realize that somewhere there will be people who crave for the life of ours. We need to thank God everytime, every miliseconds of our life, even in the bad times. Because He always give the best for us, like, ALWAYS. Even if we haven't understood the good side of it. There is always a reason why.

So, to indonesian team for IBO 2014 (Hana, Kelvin, Sam, & Valen), congrats guys, go and fight, bring the golds, and make us proud!

p.s. I always wish to be one of you, but I guess I wouldn't be able to representate Indonesia as well as you all YET. I know I need to learn more and study harder. So... Denmark, maybe? ;)

Be Brave

Hope

So, last week I received the result of Pelatnas II, and as I had expected, I didn't pass to Pelatnas III. I understood that every competition has its winners and losers. I understood I wasn't good enough to pass. I understood that I might not study well enough and I had lack of experiences to help boosting my rank. I was sad, I admit. I imagined that I might not meet my friends there anymore, and I thought how 'fun' it would be to skip school and learn things that I really like there. But still I accepted the fact, the one thing that I can't stand about this is the hope. The hope from my parents, my families, my teachers, and my friends. That look when they said "yah..." when I told them I didn't pass felt hurt. I'm literally crying that day whenever I thought about telling the result to my teachers. "Should I say sorry? Will I be able to hold my tears when I tell them?" Those things came to my mind. Maybe I'm afraid, maybe I'm ashamed of myself. But if I get to choose one thing I wouldn't want to do in the world, it would be to disappoint people and destroy their hopes.

But then I realize I shouldn't blame myself all the time. I shouldn't regret this. I should 'move on' and forgive myself. I should learn from this failure. I ought to find my weaknesses and fix them, so I won't repeat them again. I need to study harder and pray better, because when you have done your best, you wouldn't be able to regret anything. I know this year the competition will be much tougher, but I believe with my work and Allah's will I would be able to do that. Nothing's impossible, right? My parents said it's like how Messi, one of the best soccer player in the world, coudn't score a goal in a penalty kick. Or like how Chelsea, which was in the top of clasement in Premier League, could be beaten by Crystal Palace from the low level of clasement. I need to believe that I will be able to make my parents, teachers, and friends proud of me. I will make them happy. My parents said I need to focus on my goal. I need to learn to say 'no' for 'unimportant' things. But I know the truth more, I just need to stop delaying my duties and spending my time wiser and better.

There are some songs I listened that could help me stand up again after I'm feeling down and made me feel much better. It also helped boosting our spirit, and here they are:

1. Embers - Owl City

2. Shooting Star - Owl City

3. Tidal Wave - Owl City

4. The Climb - Miley Cyrus

And I also recommend Radioactive by Imagine Dragons. It really helped boosting my mood.

Afterall, because I don't want to regret anything, I just want to say that I'm grateful. I'm grateful because I could join Pelatnas II and meet such great people, and I'm really grateful to have them as my friend and even as my 'third family'. I'm so lucky because not everyone could experience the same thing. I'm happy that I was there. So, I will share some photos taken there

And here are some photos I took by myself during our recreation time in Tangkuban Perahu

And here is our frog...

Smile. Good things only start to happen after a failure when you have forgiven yourself. :)

Leav

I don't know why but I get a bit interested in poetry nowadays. And this book below is the one I really really want to have. I knew this book from tumblr. I've read some of the poems and I thought " Hey, they're beautiful!" It's not available in all bookstores in Indonesia, and I don't want to buy the kindle or e-book,  I just haven't got the time to go to the right bookstore. I guess, owning this book is one of my wishlist in 2014.

This is one of the poem, titled " Just Friends"

I know that I don't own you,
and perhaps I never will,
to my anger when you're with her,
I have no right to feel.

I know that you don't own me
and I shouldn't ask for more;
I shouldn't feel so let down,
all the times when you don't call.

What I feel - I shouldn't show you,
so when you're around I won't;
I know I've no right to feel it -
but it doesn't mean I don't.

And the one above, titled "Broken Hearts" is my favorite.

I know you've lost someone and it hurts. You may have lost them suddenly, unexpectedly. Or perhaps you began losing pieces of them, until one day, there was nothing left. You may have known them all your life or you may have barely known them at all. Either way, it is irrelevant - you cannot control the depth of a wound another soul inflicts upon you.

Which is way I am not here to tell you tomorrow is another day. That sun will go on shining. Or there are plenty of fish in the sea. What I will tell you is this; it's okay to be hurting as much as you are. What you are feeling is not only completely valid but necessary - because it makes you so much more human. And though I can't promise it will get better anytime soon, I can tell you that it will - eventually. For now, all you can do is take your time. Take all the time you need.

10 Ways to be Happy

*I've been so busy this past week. I need to finish my tasks from OSIS and study for pelatnas. It was tiring. Really tiring. So I decided to open tumblr today to refresh myself and found this post which I think I need to share. Happy reading!

Who Am I...

*Found this (again) on tumblr. I've always loved good poems. I feel like there is something magical inside them. And this one that I found is beautiful yet heartbreaking. My favorite. This poem is written by "L.L." by the way, you can read more poems in lyvixo.co

An old painted wall
Covered in multicolor layers
The top coat outrageous and fun
The last one dull and broken, tattered and lost
Peel back each layer
One by one

An ugly doll
Painted in dirt and grime
Standing next to the flawless others
The unwanted one left behind
Leaving it in the background
Nothing to them in comparison

A butterfly without wings
Still beautiful,
Still trying,
But unfinished
A part of it missing
Never to be complete

A faceless person
Always chasing a moving train
So close to the goal
But yet so far away
Forever trying to keep up
But never reaching on

A shadow of someone better
Never being the top
Always over done
Seeking to overcome one's obstacles,
But never surpassing them
Always a shadow of another

A loner in a crowded room
Bodies surrounding
Laughter consuming
Chatter and happiness and excitement in the air
All around me
But I've never felt so alone

L.L.